We also know that when Heidi’s new “beyond vegan” diet makes her put on a few pounds, Cartman only plays the marching band drum to mock her weight gain. Cartman may have promised Heidi he’d go vegan - after all, it’s his blood sugar spikes that make him call her a whore and push her in front of cars - but we all know that that all-veggie Beyond KFC tastes like the real Colonel for a reason. All of us understand the dangers, of course. But no matter how badly he treats her, she just can’t make herself quit him for good. He’s rude to her all the time, can’t stand to hear the sound of her voice, and has that placating sideways eye-roll down pat. She’s totally smart and really funny (like female ghostbusters, babe), but we just can’t figure out what she sees in him. Since Season 20, we’ve all been wondering why Heidi doesn’t dump Cartman. Hooray, you guys! Heidi Turner finally did it! I mean, we told her so, didn’t we? … Wait … what? She took him back? Nooooooo… Will it be Terrance and Phillip dolls for all, or will we begin the ugly march towards calling “shenanigans” on Season 21? Open wide, Ms. I really do think that’s the secret to South Park’s sharpest satire: Parker and Stone don’t just frame an episode around current events they acutely tap into the emotions those occurrences stir up in the everyday people who watch their program. Now, there is an episode that not only satisfies the show’s “boys will be with boys” purists (Tweek and Craig for couple of the year!) and remains true to the characters (Eric “Logic” Cartman making suicide prevention all about himself), but it taps into feelings most Americans deal with on a daily basis: rage over Giant Douche’s tweets, frustration that he somehow makes everything worse, and fear that the rest of the world views us as they do him. They had nothing particularly insightful, original, or humorous to reveal about Russian meddling, the country’s opioid epidemic, or even Hollywood’s recent “witch pursuit thingy.” It’s as though they felt pressure to connect those episodes to current events, even though they had nothing worthwhile to say. Part of the problem during this recent streak of ho-hum episodes has been Parker and Stone have attempted to dissect Giant Douche’s America, but they’ve been unwilling to really get their hands dirty. With four episodes left and momentum going in the wrong direction, it’s beginning to feel like Trey Parker and Matt Stone are down to their last throw - and that ball isn’t getting any smaller, nor is Jennifer Love Hewitt’s mouth getting any larger. All showed promise, and most had some brilliant moments, but ultimately, the ball just rolled around Jennifer Love Hewitt’s lips a couple times and popped right back out. After a strong start to Season 21, including the future classic episode “Put It Down”, there have been three installments in a row that have resulted in letdowns or shrugs. That’s how I feel going into tonight’s episode. No, I’m that specific type of nervous you get when you’re down to your last attempt, and you still haven’t put any balls in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s mouth. Not even that kind of nervous you get when a brainwashed Chef suggests sodomy, or you’re running late to the toy store and you’re afraid the only Chinpokomon left will be Shoe. Not the type of nervous you get when you leave Cartman alone with your bucket of KFC while you help unpack groceries from the car.
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